🔗 Share this article

Facing refusal, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is turning you down, delivering a clear “No.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began proposing manuscripts five decades ago, right after completing my studies. From that point, I have had two novels rejected, along with book ideas and countless pieces. In the last two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the refusals have only increased. In a typical week, I get a rejection multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession run into thousands. At this point, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining tirade? Absolutely not. Since, finally, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

Some context: At this point, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: lately, a publication nixed 20 submissions consecutively before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 editors declined my memoir proposal before one approved it. Later on, 25 agents rejected a project. One editor requested that I submit potential guest essays less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

When I was younger, each denial were painful. I felt attacked. It was not just my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. Why did this occur? How could they be overlook my ability?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably accompanied by delusion). How can I convince you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become successful.

So it went for decades.

Excellent Company

Certainly, I was in good company. Stories of authors whose work was initially turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his school team. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his movie pitch and bid to star were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the seventh stage of rejection. Understanding. Currently, I grasp the multiple factors why a publisher says no. For starters, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be considering that idea for a different writer.

Or, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator believes I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or was too distracted and read my submission hastily to appreciate its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are forever not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are within it. Admittedly, my ideas and work may from time to time be flawed. They may not resonate and resonance, or the message I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly dashes, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my long career and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was in my fifties, another, a memoir, at retirement age—and more than a thousand pieces. My writings have been published in publications major and minor, in local, national and global outlets. My debut commentary ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to many places for half a century.

Yet, no bestsellers, no author events publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better take rejection at 73, because my, admittedly modest achievements have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be reflective about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be instructive, but provided that you listen to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will probably just keep seeing denial all wrong. What lessons have I acquired?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What